Honesty and Emma...

We have been so blessed by adoption and we are so thankful to God.

But adoption does not always turn out as we have planned, it is an uncertain journey and one that requires faith.

We knew this, going into this journey and we TRUSTED HIM!

He has a plan for us, a plan we do not know or understand.

BUT because it is HIS plan,

we know it is a good one!

We had hoped that after a year and 8 months that we would have a direction. 

That we would see things improving over time but, 

that really hasn't happened.

Emma is basically a good natured girl. She desires to please and she wants to be happy.

Happiness is relative and when she is no longer a fit for the karate program... she is not happy.

When she can no longer keep up with the kindergarten class(at our homeschool), she is not happy.

When her little brother is no longer confident in her helping him, she is not happy.

When we ask her to stop licking her top lip and she is unable to stop, she is not happy.

That has been her mood lately...

And it is beginning to get to me...

Emma has an IQ of 41.

They said that it... may improve. They used the word trajectory...

We had hoped that the trajectory would be greater than it is.

We love and value all children. God makes every child, every human in his own likeness.

Every child should be celebrated and loved for who they are- I know this and firmly believe this to be true.

WE ARE BLESSED to have Emma in our family. She is very grounding for us.

For a couple months this is the face I have looked at...

every day in home school.

Every day in the afternoon...

every evening...

Emma is mad.

She is mad because her Momma has to leave and go to the hospital with the other children,

She is mad because she cannot do karate and she wants to...

She is mad because she cannot keep up with the kindergarten curriculum...

She is mad because she is not like the other children...

I wanted to mainstream Emma as much as possible,

in hopes that her trajectory would be greater.

Since she learns from watching, looking... blankly staring. I thought that it would be best to put her with the other children. Maybe she would learn from them? Maybe she would pick up their characteristics?

It's not happening and my thought process is changing.

Even though I love homeschooling, we are starting to think she may be happier in school with other children like her. As time goes on we are beginning to question our previous decisions.

Maybe she should be in special olympics with other children like her.

Maybe she would be less frustrated and less angry at me?

Maybe if she experienced school for awhile and we were able to gain direction for her at home, it would be good for everyone?

Maybe she would learn to not be mad at her mother... 

it's not my fault...

Maybe we could celebrate her accomplishments in these new surroundings?

Maybe we would all understand Emma better?

So today we picked up the packet for school... not sure we will fill it out and send it in but we are praying about it.

Emma needs more services than I can provide...

We got her hair cut so that it would be easier to bathe her and wash her hair.

She is maturing and needs to be bathed every other day.

It is not as much fun bathing an 11 yr old verses a 5 yr old...

I love her haircut!

It's perfect for her face!

She has lovely thick thick hair and this will be much easier to maintain!

If you happen to think of Emma and us while you are praying- we would so appreciate it!