My (Jean- not an expert but has some experience) definition is that orphanage behaviors are- the behaviors that the child has used to survive in an orphanage setting.
They are not necessarily bad behaviors- in fact they have actually helped the child cope with life in orphanage conditions. However, the orphanage behaviors are not appropriate for family life and new behaviors need to be learned.
And the Mommy side of me defines it as - behaviors that a child exhibits before they have been taught new coping skills, manners(interactive appropriateness) and thoughtfulness toward others.
Some common post orphanage behaviors exhibited in the new family include-
Taken from BG center website -
bgcenter.com/BGPublications/OrphanageBehavior.htm
Poor self regulation
Mixed maturity
Self-parenting
Learned helplessness
Controlling and avoiding behavior
Self-soothing and self-stimulating behavior
Hyper-vigilance and "pro-active" aggressiveness
Feeling of entitlement
Extreme attention seeking
Indiscriminate friendliness with strangers
All of our children have exhibited some or all of these behaviors. When I say orphanage behaviors I do not want to sound condescending in any way.
They have served each child well and allowed them to cope with the environment they lived in.
For a parent these behaviors are not desirable in a family setting.
They are behaviors that feel very unhealthy once the child is with the family.
They do not build but instead can get in the way and tear down a healthy relationship.
Also when I talk about one child doing better than another or is easier than another I don't by any means want to belittle the one who has more struggles.
They are learning and they may have come from a harder place.
Actually I am very proud of all of our children. They have worked so hard and have had to make major life changes and adjustments.
Seeing these changes in them;
Seeing them allowing us to love them and loving us back-
IS SEEING GOD AT WORK!
Sometime progress is slow and I can feel discouraged.
I pray about it all the time-
to stay positive,
to look back and see how far each child has come, already
to be patient
to enjoy the baby steps
and celebrate each little step in the right direction!
Each child is so different and we have to take a fresh approach with each child and often each circumstance.
In my next post I will tell you what POB (post orphanage behaviors) we are currently working on with our kiddos at home.
Some common post orphanage behaviors exhibited in the new family include-
Taken from BG center website -
bgcenter.com/BGPublications/OrphanageBehavior.htm
Poor self regulation
Mixed maturity
Self-parenting
Learned helplessness
Controlling and avoiding behavior
Self-soothing and self-stimulating behavior
Hyper-vigilance and "pro-active" aggressiveness
Feeling of entitlement
Extreme attention seeking
Indiscriminate friendliness with strangers
All of our children have exhibited some or all of these behaviors. When I say orphanage behaviors I do not want to sound condescending in any way.
They have served each child well and allowed them to cope with the environment they lived in.
For a parent these behaviors are not desirable in a family setting.
They are behaviors that feel very unhealthy once the child is with the family.
They do not build but instead can get in the way and tear down a healthy relationship.
Also when I talk about one child doing better than another or is easier than another I don't by any means want to belittle the one who has more struggles.
They are learning and they may have come from a harder place.
Actually I am very proud of all of our children. They have worked so hard and have had to make major life changes and adjustments.
Seeing these changes in them;
Seeing them allowing us to love them and loving us back-
IS SEEING GOD AT WORK!
Sometime progress is slow and I can feel discouraged.
I pray about it all the time-
to stay positive,
to look back and see how far each child has come, already
to be patient
to enjoy the baby steps
and celebrate each little step in the right direction!
Each child is so different and we have to take a fresh approach with each child and often each circumstance.
In my next post I will tell you what POB (post orphanage behaviors) we are currently working on with our kiddos at home.
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