The Last Question - Part One

Likeschocolate asked-

So here is my question for you, the other day on a blog called Death by Great Wall in a lecture she went to on having multiple adoptions and having your home become not a home but another orphange how do yo find time or spend time with each child to make sure they feel special. We have 4 children ad will be adding a child from China come fall. While I know this is what the Lord wants me to do I am worried that my children will feel like they have less of me. So do you have a formal system of who gets to spend time with you or what do you do???

I have written many post answering this question but I felt like something was missing?

So I decided to go to the experts and ask them for their thoughts on this topic.

Sarah, Ellie and Ava talked with me about this question.
(Anna too but she was in a foster home and too young to remember)

What was it like being in an orphanage?

Sarah said - 

There is a lot of hitting at an orphanage. Kids hitting kids and nannies hitting kids. 
I didn't have anything of my own and what ever I had, a bigger kid would take it away.

We would eat whatever was served. I never got the food that I wanted or felt like.

I didn't like school because the other kids at school were mean to me because I was from the orphanage. I would rather just stay at the orphanage and take care of the babies instead of going to school and being made fun of...
I never had any money for food or snacks. The other children with parents had money and would eat in front of us. Sometimes they would give me some.
I was always hungry.
No one could help me with my homework and no one cared how I did on my homework.

We didn't have pajamas. We would wear our clothes to bed and then keep them on the next day. We didn't wear underwear. 
There was a few toothbrushes but they were icky. There wasn't any toothpaste. 
The big kid would take all the combs and brushes so I couldn't comb my hair. They wouldn't let me grow my hair long because I couldn't ever brush it and it had a lot of snarls in it. 
So they would cut it all the time.

I slept with a large girl that would push me out of the bed. 
The person I shared a bed with would kick me a lot.

The big kids would blame me for things I didn't do and I would be punished- they would hit me.

They locked me in a room and I couldn't get out- I screamed and screamed to get out.

I watched other kids get families and I wanted my own family so much... it hurt...
I felt so bad that no one came for me...
Look at the little girl on the right...
that's our Sarah...
her friend, the little boy on the left never got a family...

Ava said -
There was a lot of people in the orphanage. Lots and lots and lots of kids.
(Obviously she thinks our family is small compared to an orphanage!)

In China the medicine was yucky.

It was hard to make friends in an orphanage.
 (WOW, I thought this was so interesting. I have noticed that kids come home unable to entertain themselves, unaware of social cues and unable to play with another child. I would have thought they had many friends and decent social skills because of constantly being with other children. I have heard other older children say that "that child" really wan't my friend, I hardly knew them. AND yet they were with that child in picture after picture and even slept in the same room- it is because they are merely surviving in an orphanage. It was because children were leading children with out adults guiding them and teaching them how to behave.)

Ellie said -

No one really taught me how to learn in school and no one cared how or what I did.

Some kids where really mean and took things from me, hit me and made fun of me.
They were really awful to Emma...

They would get my backpack dirty and then I would get in trouble with my foster Mom.
My foster Mom hit me and she wasn't home very much.

People lied to me...

Why we like to be HOME-

we get a Mom and Dad
you get to fix Mommies hair
we get to do school
Daddy brings good food home
we have lots of food at home
mom and dad help me with school
they are proud of me and of my school work

people are nice to me

we can have a nice family

I feel healthier, I feel better

my teeth don't hurt any more

we get to have a birthday with presents!

we learn about Jesus

we have our own clothes

we can have pets

we learned another language

we get to do gymnastics and homeschool gym and swim

you can have some things of your own

at home we have good food and get to have the food we want

nice brothers and sisters

Mom and Dad
big brothers and sister are fun

you go to the Dr and dentist so you stay healthier

we do a lot of fun stuff in a home

meet nicer people when you are home

we get to go places
we get to go out to dinner sometimes
we say prayers
we go to church on saturday evening
we laugh a lot

Why do you like being in a big family?

lots of fun with sisters and brothers

we play and laugh

fun to sleep in the same room

we like to play outside together

I never get lonely

always someone to play games with and play pretend with

we can play family with our brothers and sisters

if we run out of toothpaste we can take it from our brother or sister

holidays are really really fun!
birthdays are really fun and we get presents

(Sarah is front and center)

What don't you like about being in a big family?

sometimes little sisters can be irritating.

little brothers too

sometime they tattle on me

(Sarah is the first child)

Do your parents have enough time for you?

yes

mom teaches us all day

we do fun things every weekend as a family
mom and dad are home a lot

And then of course one said- 
kind of ;-) and then laughed
(Ava)
(because children always want more time and more from you and YOU have to draw the limits on what you can give)

yes, they answer our questions when we ask
we sit on their lap and visit at night 

We get lots of hugs and kisses-

 oh yes, lots and lots of them!

How can I (mom/Jean) give you more time?
get off your computer 
(Ha! Okay, point well taken and it is something I will be doing less of... 
Although I will still be blogging!)

What do you wish would be different?

more candy would be nice

I think we have enough

I can't think of anything...

I have more to say on this topic and I am planning to write more but I decided to start with the children's thoughts, for now.

So... do the experts realize that there are more children waiting than families willing to adopt?
I realize that some may think that a mega family is not the best place for an adoptee.
I don't agree.
although I do agree that not every child is a good fit for a mega family.
It really depends on the needs of that child.

If some of these mega families do not adopt the children, they will continue to wait in the orphanages. You have just heard from the REAL experts- 
THE CHILDREN THAT ACTUALLY WAITED!
They desperately do NOT want to be in these orphanages...
They want a HOME.
They want a FAMILY.
They want LOVE.