A Rough Patch

I had written a post about the orphanage behaviors that we were seeing at our house.

I deleted it because it just didn't feel right.

Melissa and Madeline are doing very well in their adjustment to life with our family.

I am so thankful for that!

And Mia...

She is also content and fine

BUT

 every once in awhile I see a red flag.

At first I thought I was imagining it and everything was completely fine.

Now I don't think I am imagining it.

I think I am seeing some things that need tending too.

I have always been honest in my blog so I will share them with you.

And we will be actively dealing with our few issues that are causing some red flags for this Momma.

I will also be asking for prayers because I know nothing is too big for our Lord and HE will be able to get us back on track!

We are seeing a few things in Mia that need to be worked on-

She is quite sneaky and little things have happened that I have not witnessed.

BUT something inside of me said

Something is wrong...

With the number of children we have I am not with everyone all the time.

Although I am ALWAYS with somebody!

She is calling the other children unkind names in Chinese

She often inadvertently(maybe) pushes someone.

She has been pulling down other children's pants (to be funny- BUT it's NOT funny)

She is yelling at the other children in a very loud and bossy manor (I hear her from the other room but she never does it in the same room that I am in)

She is taking other children's Easter candy without asking (stealing)

When asked about it... she is lying.

( she did confess after I told her I knew she did it)

Taking food from other plates and then giving them a cute little smile after (NOT OKAY)

Telling a child she likes them, getting what she wants and then telling them she doesn't like them.

She is encouraging the other children to make poor choices.

She has taken advantage of others who are cognitively impaired and unable to say no.

She has been "kind of, sort of" bullying the other children.

And then, there is the extreme control issues.

It is undercover...

like she is actually helping out...

BUT that's not really what it is.

She is trying to control her environment and her new family so she doesn't really have to bond with us. She is trying to maintain her independence...

Does she had RAD?

No, it is much too early to label or diagnose her behavior.

Could she have RAD?

Maybe... time will tell?

We are going to do everything that we can do to steer her in the direction of bonding and attaching to us and a "real" way.

We have our work cut out for us- that's where you come in!

Pray, Pray, Please Pray

for us and for her!

I need to keep her very very close most of the time (actually all of the time, if I can).

She will be only allowed to help us when we assign her a task.

We're going to brush her teeth, comb her hair and pick out her clothes and pajamas.

We will specifically serve her food to her, sit next to her and watch her much more closely in the kitchen and everywhere else.

She is very sly and has learned a lot of unhealthy behaviors in the orphanage. 

She has learned to disappear in our home.

And she has learned to negatively influence others that would normally make good choices.

And that my friends will 

NOT BE HAPPENING

 in 

MY HOME!

(FYI- I am not really as tough as I talk- so please pray)

I have been fooled...

When confronted, she has an awesome surprised look...

It is so convincing that you yourself, would second guess what you had just said...

You would think, naw... she didn't do that?

She also shows a tender spirit but if you heard her yell you would not think it could be the same person.

Mia is a child that has come from a very hard place. 

She spent many years in a very tough poor orphanage.

She never had an opportunity to experience family life (in a foster setting).

She doesn't even understand that what she is doing is wrong (well, she may understand that some of it was wrong but not all of it.)

So we will teach her!

With some of our adoptions we have been able to immerse the child right into our family and have not needed to spend the extra time and effort to integrate. The child has just naturally fit into our home and family. Love was easy...

I do have the support and counsel of other families that have been through older child adoption challenges- so that is very good and helpful!
And we will seek more help if necessary.

I do realize that Mia came home to a house full of Chinese children. To her, we may look like an orphanage BUT we are NOT.
We are a family
AND
 Melissa and Madeline have made a beautiful transition despite the language issue and despite Mia's behavior.

Mia deserves our time, effort and love.

And that is exactly what she will get (while being watched like a hawk).

Actually, our other children deserve that too!

So they can live in a peaceful, safe, loving home!

Sooooo...

We have work to do

AND

she has work to do!